Episode · The Tim Ferriss Show · 2023-11-09
Books mentioned on #703: Sheila Heen — How to Master the Difficult Art of Receiving (and Giving) Feedback
Brought to you by Nordic Naturals Ultimate Omega fish oil, Helix Sleep premium mattresses, and ShipStation shipping software. Sheila Heen has spent the last three decades working to understand how people can better navigate conflict, with a particular specialty in difficult conversations.
Tim Ferriss recommended Getting the love you want by Harville Hendrix, and discussed Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone and others and Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and others.
Books mentioned, in the order they came up
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Difficult Conversations
Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen is a comprehensive guide to navigating challenging and high-stakes personal and professional dialogues.
Discussed“I came into this expecting that I would be opening the kimono per se, but you just finished the third edition of Difficult Conversations, and you had to contend with some reader feedback on an example in that book that got large reactions.”
Where to get it
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Getting the love you want
Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix is a widely recognized relationship guide that offers practical communication frameworks, conflict resolution tools, and strategies for fostering deeper emotional connection between partners.
Recommended“I have found the book Getting the Love You Want and some of the frameworks asking for redos, having a shared language that allows you to, I suppose, resolve things with shorthand, but agreeing upfront that you are going to have that shared language and those practices at least for a period of time as an experiment, I think is”
Where to get it
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Thanks for the Feedback
Discussed“This topic of feedback in Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well, it's a bit of a Trojan horse for a bunch of things, as you mentioned, right?”
Where to get it
Other mentions in this episode (5) — ad reads, self-promotion and passing references, never counted
“and Difficult Conversations, subtitle, How to Discuss What Matters Most. Also with Douglas Stone and Bruce Patton, with a newly updated third edition that was just released in August.”
“She is a founder of Triad Consulting Group, a professor at Harvard Law School, and a co-author of Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (Even When It Is off Base, Unfair, Poorly Delivered, and Frankly, You’re Not in the Mood) with Douglas Stone and Difficult Conversations”
“For instance, I was just giving someone this example last night, The 4-Hour Workweek came out in 2007, and there was a quote at the head of a chapter from Bill Cosby about breaking the rules that are set for you in an industry. And thank God that a number of readers pointed out maybe that should be taken out”
“For instance, in The 4-Hour Workweek, again, I used the word "retarded" at one point, and it's not going to personally offend most people reading it, but it is outdated, and it just wasn't necessary.”
“So Steven Pressfield, incredible writer in his own right and has written The War of Art and many other books, talks about resistance.”