Why people recommend it
The State of Affairs by Esther Perel is a probing exploration of infidelity that examines why people cheat, how affairs impact relationships, and what modern betrayals reveal about the nature of intimacy. On the Huberman Lab episode focused on building and maintaining healthy romantic relationships, the host highlighted Esther Perel as the author of this acclaimed work alongside other best-selling titles. Furthermore, on On Purpose with Jay Shetty, Esther Perel herself discussed the book, sharing that she began her research by talking to couples she had seen years earlier in moments of crisis who had to figure out whether to stay together and work through the pain. Listeners and hosts frequently recommend this book because it offers a compassionate yet unflinching look at the complexities of modern love, desire, and betrayal without resorting to simplistic moralizing. Perel challenges readers to rethink infidelity not merely as a symptom of a broken relationship, but as a complex expression of longing, personal crisis, and the eternal tension between security and freedom.
Who recommended it
Mentioned on the show without a named speaker — 2
“She's also the author of best-selling books such as "Mating in Captivity" and "The State of Affairs."”
“I started "State of Affair" by talking to couples that I had seen five or ten years earlier. I would see them in a moment of crisis and often didn't know afterwards if they decided to stay together and worked through it.”