Book · 1996 · Family & Relationships
The Rules
Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
Why people recommend it
The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider is a dating advice guide from the 1990s that instructs women on how to secure commitment by practicing restraint, acting mysteriously, and playing hard to get. The controversial book faced significant critique on the Modern Wisdom podcast. In March 2022, Jon Birger appeared on the show for the episode Are Women In Charge Of The Dating Market?, where he categorized The Rules alongside other popular dating manuals from the past three decades. Birger argued that these books all rely on overly complicated versions of playing hard to get, which ultimately conflict with contemporary dating dynamics and romantic realities. Similarly, Mark Manson was a guest on Modern Wisdom in June 2021 for the episode 11 Uncomfortable Truths About Life. Manson specifically cited The Rules to criticize outdated dating strategies that encourage manipulative tactics, such as deliberately waiting to return phone calls. Both speakers used the book as an example of problematic relationship advice that treats romance as a calculated power game rather than an authentic connection. Their critiques underscored how societal expectations surrounding courtship have shifted away from rigid, game-playing manuals toward more transparent and direct communication in modern romantic relationships.
Who recommended it
- Jon Birger Discussed
- Mark Manson Discussed
Jon Birger — 1 mention
“because as you know pretty much every popular dating book that's been written over the past 30 years from the rules to ignore the guy get the guy to why men love [ __ ] that they all revolve around a very complicated version of playing hard to get”
Mark Manson — 1 mention
“there was a book in the 90s called the rules which was all about it was teaching women you know stuff like don't pick up the phone the first time he calls”